The Plez abides.

I had the greatest time last night that I’ve had in years.

I went to The Down Home to see Scott Pleasant, AKA The Plez. I went alone, toting along my knitting because I was pretty sure I wouldn’t know anyone.

Imagine my surprise when as soon as I’d paid the cover charge, Laura pounces on me out of nowhere and says, “No knitting! Come sit with us!” Her husband, Scotty, was there too. One of my English teachers from ETSU was at the next table. And a friend of mine from high school was our waitress!

It’s hard for me to describe the majestic nature of The Plez. He played around here in the 80’s, when I was no more than a child. A few years ago, Jason found some old homemade tapes of Scott with just him and his guitar. They were already a bit stripped and whiiiirrreeed in places from being in a box for so long– and I was hooked. Line and sinker. Jason was so freaked out that I listened to them so much because he was sure I was going to ruin them.

Scott’s songwriting is amusing, fresh, original, and endearing. His phrasing just touches me to the bone. I’m seriously. He’s now really into the ukulele, and I had the honor of purchasing his new disk. It’s a very ukulele heavy album and I LURVE IT.

After the show I got to meet him. Scotty said, “Hey Scott, you’ve got a new fan here,” and I just started chattering like a dingbat. “Oh yeah, I’m like, a totally obsessed fan,” I blurted out. I told him about the old tapes I’d had, while he was trying to sign this newspaper article I’d clipped out about him. I’m sure there’s nothing more disconcerting than having some lady with the crazy eyes blabbing at you while you’re trying to figure out what to write. Then he signed the CD I bought, while I continued to be unable to control my blabbering. He said if I emailed him my home address he’d send me more stuff. He was so sweet and down-to-earth and I could just squeeze him!

So I’m putting this here on my blog to make sure you guys realize that I’m still alive, that I’m doing GREAT. The past 3 weeks have been just amazing, I wish I would have blogged all the small joys, not just this great one.

One awesome thing: I found all kinds of stuff in my grandmother’s basement: toys from my childhood, letters from my friends in middle school, pictures, journals, etc. I cleaned it out so there’s not any of my stuff there anymore, which was a huge burden lifted. And the reliving of all the memories– stuff that I’d not quite forgotten, but not really thought about in years– was a really intense experience. I have some serious organizing to get to now. My dad’s living room is full of boxes of my Yellow Submarine action figures, Volkswagen model cars, tons of other memorabilia, my old books! I’m so happy to have all this stuff back!

I was joking with my dad while I was going through it, “Maybe I’ll figure out why I’m so screwed up, there has to be a clue in here somewhere.” But he hit the nail on the head later, “You’ve felt screwed up because you haven’t had your stuff!” Wise words. Wise man.

And as soon as I think reliving history can’t get any better than that, Scott Pleasant steps onstage unexpectedly.  In a room full of people from his old crowd, everyone around me reliving their own personal histories.

BIG changes.

I haven’t blogged much lately because I’ve been having some pretty intense life changes.

The kids and I have moved back in with my dad. I am now a single mother.

Overall, we’re all much happier. My kids have been playing in the backyard with their puppies. Boo Bear has been completely occupied mixing dirt and water and sunshine together in a bucket for hours on end. We put him out there in his swimmy shorts and swimmy shoes and a t-shirt every morning and he’s there pretty much all day.

Of course, these big changes are both exciting and scary. I’m actually getting over my music block a little more every day. I’m singing again. I’m feeling the music again. I’m drowning my sorrows in Hank Sr’s beautiful happy melancholy beat.

But I don’t know if I’ll be able to homeschool now. I’m going to have to find a job, and a good one. It’s not going to be easy. I know some single mothers are able to homeschool by working at home and such, but I’m really not sure I could do that. I’d like to go back to school and finish my degree if at all possible.

But perhaps, just maybe… I’ll get together enough soul-satisfying songs to do something with. That’s my true dream. And I am pursuing it.

I’m not going to give up my entrepreneurial dreams without a fight.

Silly intensity

Dairbhre is completely in love with The Jungle Book. We have been watching it at least once a day. It’s the first movie that has made him just bust out laughing. There are certain scenes that consistently make him laugh.

This was one of my favorite movies ever. And I want to thank Dairbhre, publicly, although he’s only 2, for getting the words to “Bare Necessities” in my head. And the other songs too. As Baloo says, “MAN, what a beat!” It’s been just what I needed, to have the excuse to kick back with my kids and watch something silly, and giggle, and sing, “The bare necessities of life will come to you!” I’ve even had the very short little song that Baloo is singing when he first meets Mowgli, “Oh, it’s a dooba-dee-doo, yes it’s a dooba-dee-doo, I mean a doobie doobie doobie doobie dooba-dee-doo!” I’ve been singing that one a lot. My kids love it when I sing the songs going down the road, it’s been really fun and special.

It’s possibly watching this movie over and over that has made me pick up my guitar again. I’m also journaling (with paper and pen)– I feel that this is the time to open up some well-preserved vessels of the past, and face them. I’ve been emotional, but not in a bad way. More of a wistful healing way, forgiving and forgiven. I’m getting past a lot of barriers, a lot of pain and loss.

I have a feeling that this summer will lead to more songwriting. When I’ve played guitar lately, I’ve noticed that some of my compositions sound better to me now– stronger and almost classical. I’m playing with feeling, and it won’t be long before I’m back to where I was a couple of years ago. My voice has gotten stronger with time as well, and I’m really looking forward to spending some quality time on my music.

I realize that the visual arts and craftiness that I’ve been pursuing lately have been diversions from my music. The practice isn’t what seems so daunting; it is this emotional work I must get through in order to play fluidly and from my soul. So I’ve been making toys and things that appear joyful. I suppose, to cheer myself up from feeling like a failure for denying myself the one simple dream of my life: BARD. The word means more to me than a dictionary could ever hold, and I will be deserving of the title one day. I have brushed against it a few times in the past, a few of my songs were perfect emotional statements. I believe that what I was feeling came across to the listener in exactly the way that I intended.

I have a feeling I won’t be doing too much knitting over the summer. I may be doing some visual arts, but even though I’m feeling quite chipper and ready to face anything, it may be a bit more dark than usual.

Who knows, by the end of the summer, I could have my album finished.

Let’s break it down.

I didn’t write much last week because it was sour like lemons.

There were a couple of highlights: puppy/house sitting for my dad; staying the night at his house and watching Gone With The Wind with Rowan (She LOVED it– all four hours of it. I couldn’t believe how absorbed she was. We had such great conversations about the history.); going to a new and awesomely gigantic park with my homeschool group.

But I was ultimately exhausted and having an intense need to hear my own thoughts. I realized that I haven’t been taking enough time for me. All this studio time talk is good, but I need to actively create this time. And I need time for decompressing as well.

All day Thursday, I felt it weighing on me. I was desperate and on edge. My kids picked up on that desperation. They started clinging to me more, which caused me to basically break by evening. That night was really bad– a repeat of the old days where Rowan refused to go to sleep (and loudly) for hours after I was much too exhausted and stressed out to handle it.

This week, Rowan has been with her dad, and I’ve been spending some long overdue one-on-one time with Dairbhre. We’ve been reading more, trying to go outside more, and I’ve been waking him up from his nap after about 45 minutes instead of letting him sleep for 3 hours. This has made for some happy evenings where he goes to bed at a decent time and I am able to decompress AND get enough sleep in the bargain! This will be invaluable when Ro comes home.

I am still struggling with some family members thinking that natural learning (and all the creativity and effort I put into that, even) is “doing nothing”. That Rowan isn’t making any “progress”. I admit, I’m a bit miffed.

To those concerned:

I would like to simply explain that I do more with Rowan than anyone (who isn’t me or Ro) knows. Lots of things that schooled people would consider to be educational. We read a lot, we work on learning to read by using lots of varied methods. The sit-down-and-do-this approach of school is only one of many hundreds of ways a person can learn. The Sit-down-if-you-want-and-we’ll-talk-and-chill method is most effective with my very unique daughter. The fact that I don’t bore her, or force her into activities that she despises (at this VERY young age), should not be read as not doing anything.

And, if she were going to Kindergarten, I’d be satisfied that she knew everything she needed to know going in. She would be starting Kindergarten this fall, and exiting this time next year. What is expected by the end of the K year? It’s almost laughable. She knows most of it already. And MOST kids coming out of K are not reading fluently, they are just starting to read.

Ro has shown me time and time and time again that she is not ready for that push into reading. Believe me, it’s not easy to not rush her. I’d like for her to read, not just for the benefits she will gain from it, but to prove that I’m not so bad at this parenting gig. That’s almost sort of pathetic, I don’t deny it. It was difficult for me to admit to myself that she isn’t ready. I’m doing it for HER.

And if you spend any time around her at all, you see that she’s freaking awesome. The progress? It’s in her speech patterns, how grown up she’s gotten just since January (when we first started officially homeschooling. Seem coincidental?). Her writing is improving, her interest for it and spelling is increasing every day. Her drawings are getting better and more imaginative all the time too!

So if you’re still worrying, stop it. I mean, really. Because if she were in school or I was forcing her to learn in a way that did not work for her, there would be a lot more to worry about. And besides, if you’re worrying loudly, you’re stressing me out.  I think it goes without saying, but:  if you’re worrying loudly around my daughter, umm, that needs to stop immediately.

What should kids Ro’s age be doing????

Playing. Learning LOTS as a side-effect. Spending lots of time with family, especially parents. Loving life because there’s always something to learn about.

It’s thrilling.

Be glad that Rowan has a mother who WANTS to stay home with her. A creative mother, at that.

Yeah.  I miss my girl.

Knitted Professor Hazard!

This is my knitted version of my good friend Professor Hazard. I made him for the Prof’s birthday– now he can squish himself!

By FAR the most tedious toy I’ve ever made. Lots of details, very time-consuming. I made individual fingers. But it was fun to make!

The Professor translates very well into yarn. I bet he does not know this about himself. (Well, he does now.)

Poppet Love

I could take it no longer, I had to finish up making my doll’s clothes last night.

This is Nellie. She’s a Poppet. (Poppets are taking Craftster by storm. See the Poppet Along for info on poppets and how to get the pattern.) Nellie is my first fully jointed doll, and although her leg joints are rather crazy, I still love her!

Her face is painted on and her hair is a very lush, soft, and slightly fuzzy yarn. Her skin is some sort of mystery fabric I was lucky enough to find (oh, how I pine for more of it to come into my life!). She’d been sitting around all nakie for a week or so– and I finally broke down and made her a little skirt and sweater.

I posted the pattern for the wee sweater here on Craftster. Also, I should note that it’s sort of based on Amanda’s Sunshine. I’m pretty sure it’s basic raglan construction, but I would never have been able to come up with this had it not been for that pattern!

And the back of the sweater:

Shaking out the dust

I haven’t posted in a few days, mostly because I’ve been cleaning/organizing/purging, and that’s not very blog-worthy. I’m not even willing to take pictures of my sad little apartment at this point. I hope a move is in our near future– I’m always my best after a move, for some reason.

I’ve been doing a bit of sewing on the machine though, as well as a new knitted creature who I am making up as I go along. I can’t wait to share my projects! When they are completed, that is. I have a few projects going at once and they are moving along slowly…

I wanted to spend some of the money I made off an Etsy sale the other day for some nice supplies for Rowan. I asked her if she’d rather learn how to do some embroidery or if she’d rather start a nature journal. There were some other ideas, but she totally lit up at the idea of a nature journal, so we got it yesterday.

Wait until you see the doll I made last week– when she gets some clothes. Oh! the suspense.

Ack! The formality.

I arranged to have my first official studio day yesterday. Ro was with her dad, and D was visiting his grandparents. Then I remembered I’d made a previous commitment to go to my cousin’s bridal shower. Really, my dad would have understood if I decided not to go, but I don’t get to see my extended family too much.

So we went. It was quite a drive (Erwin to Greeneville, via highway 107). It was awesome to hang with my dad. Like the old school Saturdays when he’d pick me up and take me off for adventures. He thought the address was 309 instead of 902, so we drove around a lot, laughing our asses off.

We anticipated a gathering much like the ones us Rupe’s have. We get together, stand around in the kitchen, eat some damn good food until we can eat no more, maybe have some cocktails. And we laugh a lot, and nothing is at all organized. Uncle Scott always falls asleep in the the recliner watching the golf channel. My grandmother informs all the girls that “Shhiiiiit girl, you don’t need no shittin’ man!” And it’s so funny that I can hardly contain myself from falling apart from laughter.

When we finally found the 902 address, it was a big fancy house. My cousin’s fiance’s family’s house. Inside we were led to a formal living room. My dad said, “Uh, are we allowed to sit on this furniture?” and I thought I was going to bite off my tongue trying not to horse laugh. We were all in a circle in this room sitting on antique duvets and such, and we were supposed to introduce ourselves in turn and what relation we were to whom. Then, a word scramble was passed around. Cheeseball words relating to weddings were to be unscrambled, as many as we could do in 10 minutes.

I sat my word scramble down almost immediately. A few seats down from me, so did my dad. It was probably rude of me, but dude, I didn’t bring my knitting, and I was so freaking bored, and it was more fun to watch my dad sit beside his sister and say anything to make her laugh (and it didn’t take much). My dad stood up finally and said, “I’m going to go get the camera.” During most of the rest of the shower, we just hid behind the camera and camcorder.

Next was Bridal Shower Bingo. Oh. My. Lawd. About 10 rounds of it. This poor little girl, who was about 5 years old, was doing flips in the middle of the room. She was bored, I could tell. She was commanded to sit down and sit still. And to be quiet. I wanted to just say, “Hey, why don’t we go play in the rain?” I just didn’t think these folks would go for it.

We finally got to the food, some delicate finger foods. It was fun to watch my Uncle Scott with the tiny orange cupcakes, he ate about 5. And my dad made himself sick from eating so much candy. I went outside with my family while they took regular smoke breaks even though I don’t smoke. The air was better out there.

On the way home, I called Chad, to see what he was up to. “How’d it go? Did you have fun?”

“Umm… Yeah… well, I guess we had fun.”
“We made the best of it,” my dad said.
“Yeah, we made the best of it,” I agreed.

Sew! Ro Ro! Go!

Ro Ro made this little fishy pillow last night. Isn’t it darling? It’s only 2.5 x 3.5 inches. She drew on the design with permanent markers, and I showed her how to stitch up the sides. I’m so proud!

We went to our homeschool group meeting yesterday. It was Show your skill/show and tell day. There was some fiddle playing, ballet, and lots of nice art. (Ro didn’t want to take anything.) There were also these two sisters, about 8 and 10 I think, who did a knitting demonstration. The 8 year old taught me how to do a buttonhole! I was flabbergasted. And she didn’t find it in a book or anything, she just made the technique up. The 10 year old had a big garter stitch piece that she was basically turning into stockinette by looping the stitches up the rungs. She said she “just made it up.” (!!!!) They had this pile of knitted things, shawls and scarves and bags, little things for their dollies, it was neat o.

We’ve been sleeping better the last couple of days. All that’s changed is my attitude– I have been trusting that D is tired and that he will go to sleep, instead of dreading that he’ll stay up all night. And the sleep is the only area my attitude has changed, really. I’m all hormonal and crazy right now, and I feel really internal when I get this way. I just want to spend some time creating with no distractions. Hopefully tomorrow I can have a bit of “studio time” (although my studio is my lap, for now). I’m thinking that I need to take 1-3 days a week for studio time– maybe I could create more for my Etsy shop, and do projects for myself and the kids to rejuvenate myself creatively. I have this drive to create, and when it’s not being met, I get to the point where I’ll put off everything and everyone who stands in between me and my vision. Regular creative breaks could really help my life to flow. I’m lucky to have a lot of people who will help me out with the kids, so I should use those outlets.

Hand stitching is fun.

Meet Sari. She’s completely hand-stitched, so fun to embellish! It’s been awhile since I sat down to hand stitch anything. It’s something I really enjoy, so I may be doing loads of sewing here soon.

I’ve been wanting to make a cloth doll for a few weeks. I downloaded the The Black Apple Doll pattern, which is super easy and fast. I added the pigtails and pocket. Anyone could do this, even kids who are just starting out with sewing. It would be a great project to do with your little one! As for me, I can’t wait to draft my own cloth doll patterns.

Chad followed us around last night with the flashy camera right after D’s bath.

Last night was another sleepless night. Another night spent staring at the ceiling until 6:00am. It had a lot to do with D waking up in the middle of the night ready to Par-tayyyy down– but also because I had so many creative ideas running around in my brain! I wanted so badly to get up and start making, but I knew I needed rest. I’m so inspired lately that I have projects lined up all the time. I will be sharing those. It’s so nice to be passionate about something– that’s what I tell myself when my artistic side threatens to turn into a mental illness!

I’ve been super inspired and excited by Amanda Soule’s blog. Wow. Her book is now on my top-five-things-to-buy-when-I-have-money list.